A very sad day

Have ya ever gottin up to go to work and not really feel like going in? Ya just have that feeling that something just isn't right bout that day and ya just don't want to deal with it?
Well I had that day yesturday. It was a day that all of us in the EMS regret ever having to deal with.
The day started out at 2a.m. waking up two hours earlier than I had to to go to work. Kind of sucked couldn't really figure out why I had woke up so early and couldn't go back to sleep. Nothing unusualy considering that it happens alot specially in this career. My day at work started like any other day would logging on starting the station duties that we all just LOVE to do.
Then the pagers go off, nothing usually happens everyday when ya in the middle of doing stuff ya got to get done, but this time there's a weird feeling something just aint right. Ya get the call with all the info, address, nature all the the stuff that half the time isn't right, but this time the address sounds just a little to familier. It's not one of the frequint fliers ya deal with on a daily basis but something more personal familier. As your wacking your brain to figure it out ya come around the corner and it hits you, the reason ya know that address so damn well, it's a great friend and co-worker's house.
Yesturday the employees of Riggs Ambulance Service lost a great friend and co-worker. She was a devoted mom to her two kids, even they drove her crazy most of the time, the best friend anyone could have and a damn good medic. She had the heart of a saint, alway's caring alway's there for anyone that needed a ear or a shoulder to lay their head on and alway's had such a caring demeaner for her patient's, even the ones that ya just wanted to slap,Ya'll know what I'm talkin bout, she was just a very caring person at heart. She had her problems like we all do, and we would talk alot bout things goin on in her life and mine that was one thing we knew we could count on each other for. We alway's let each other know things that were bothering us.
But I guess this time she just couldn't deal with it anymore and decided to take care of things in a stupid way instead of calling on someone anyone that would listen and understand what she was going through.
As we all know working in this messed up field is not easy at times and can be really draining on the soul. At times ya just want it all to go away, ya just want someone to say it's ok to be mad, to be agree, to be sad, but as I am guilty of doing and I'm sure many of you are as well, we hold our feelings inside because we can't let people think we are weak, to show that we are weak would show that we have flaws and that would undermine our authority. And to be able to talk with your family bout things that happened at work is like talking to a wall because they don't realy understand the emotion of the situation.
I might not be the smartest thing on earth but I do know one thing, holding things inside and not letting it out in someway whether it be talking with someone, running, working out or something that will help you deal with it and just letting the emotions and anger build up inside you until you can't take it anymore and do something you would never think of doing, like downing a hand full of pills, is not only the wrong thing to do but is completely selfish.
I started this writing this with a dear friend in mind that did just that yesturday. And left the rest of us to pick up and go on with out understanding or knowing really why this could happen. I finish it with a word advice, don't, DON'T let this career you have chosen to do ruin your spirit. Don't hold things inside, let them out talk with someone anyone there is alway's someone out there that will listen and care enough to give you the help that you need. PLEASE don't take it on your shoulder's and hold it there thinking it makes you strong because in the end it will tear you down and brake you.

Rest in Peace my Dear friend KG. Miss and Love ya!